Sunday, July 24, 2011

Fatherhood 2: Second Chances

Today we're 6 months into pregnancy with our second child. Every second of every day has been a heart in your throat experience. Expectation is that something horrible is going to go wrong. Every morning I find myself asking Angie how baby boy is doing. Is he active? Has she felt him move recently?

So far all is well, but I'll always have that nagging feeling that at some point, for whatever reason, I'll get a call from the doctor's office, 'Angie's here, we need you to come right away. No we can't say what's wrong; just come as quickly as you can.'

It's terrible living with this amount of fear... But there's also hope that in 3 more months I'll have a healthy son squirming in my arms and basking in my affection. That hope is enough, for now.


Angie said...

We're going to get through to the other side of this pregnancy with a healthy, screaming baby boy to bring home. I may not always believe this to be true, but with your help I'm going to make it to November.

Kathy Bailey said...

I can't wait to meet him! He will be the light of our lives!! I will see you on the 12th to share some time talking about our little Aiden. Love to you both. Mom

Brook Mcilwain. said...

Hi Kevin, I am also due in November this year after a loss last November at 20 weeks. I am feeling the fear you are talking about every day and I don't think it will go away until I bring my baby home with me this time.

I think I have been fighting myself with regard to bonding with this new baby, I know I should be feeling blessed, and I often do, but I feel as though I'm keeping a lid on my excitement in a bid to lessen the pain should something go wrong. This is obviously not logical as nothing can insulate you from the devastation of a loss.

I was reluctant to buy anything for this baby for a long time but I have now so I suppose you could say I'm plodding along one day or one week at a time.

I'm ok most of the time but there are days where I trawl the internet to find others in my situation in the vain hope of finding a way to deal with this gnawing fear. It seems that you are right, the hope has to be enough. I can't wait.

Best wishes to you and Angie, and thank you for sharing your story :) Brook.

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